Last Saturday we went kayaking with the Shaw's. I used Jared's kayak and Mark towed Jared and Lydia in the big inter tube. It was great to be out on the water and especially fun to go with the Shaw's. We may have let the children illegally jump off the dock and play on the beach but it was worth it. It was great to watch them play together and get to visit with the Shaw's as a couple. Julie and I get together at least once a week but we strangely don't hang out together as couples and we should do it more. They are great people. We did have a slight delay in getting the kayak ready. We went to take it off the boat rack and as we did we saw eggs roll down. Over the winter a bird built a nest in the bow of the kayak and there were 3 eggs in it. We were so surprised! Mark pulled the nest out and placed it in a planter. I'm not sure what will happen but it was not what we expected.
That night we went out to dinner with the Grover's (also great people) and then to AHS to see Mary Poppins which was fun. This is related because we went to Lime Leaf for Thai food and it happens to be next to Dicks. As we drove up we noticed some kayaks out front. There was a beautiful aqua kayak and I commented to Mark that it would be a perfect kayak for me. He wanted to go look at the price, I was against it because I just figured it would be too much but they happened to be having a decent sale and so we looked at each other and decided to buy it! It is my early Mothers day gift. I am really excited to have my own kayak. It was hard work for Mark to tow both of them, not nearly as enjoyable as just kayaking himself and we would like Jared to paddle himself. Next year we will look into getting Lydia one but for now she is a little too young to make it work. So we had our first afternoon on the lake and will enjoy many more.
*For those reading this feel free to stop now.
Lastly preschool. I have 3 people signed up for the upcoming year and it makes me so sad (just because it's only 3 families, the people will be just fine). I don't understand why it's so hard and what else I can do to get the word out. I thought the yard signs I had professionally done would work so great and they really haven't. I feel like they are in good spots, high traffic, right demographics but it is not helping. I also truly hate how emotional I get about it, truly hate it. Sad, frustrated, disappointed and really just angry. I do not often have those emotions in my everyday life and they have been coming up a lot and pretty much always about preschool. In my patriartical blessing it talks about how I will have many opportunities to provide for my family in and out of the home. I hated this line when I got it. I was so disappointed. So I have had these "opportunities" and it's been fine. I have been given "opportunities" that worked perfectly with my situation and were what we needed. Yet, here I am with this plan (doing what I have been taught to do) that lets me use my teaching degree, do something I enjoy, works perfectly with my family schedule and not to be prideful but I am good at it and it's not happening. And it makes me so angry and emotional. I can't even talk about it with friends without being emotional. I hate it and I hate that it is happening this way. I had my (unscheduled) state inspection this past week and it went perfectly, no citations and she was very complimentary about my class and also confused as to why I don't have more people signed up. I'm just starting to think I am not supposed to teach this class and I hate that too. I have put so much time and energy and money into developing my curriculum and my program that the idea of possibly only using it for one year is so infuriating. I feel like I have done my part and then some so why isn't it happening? Also, the plan for this income was to use it for food storage/emergency preparedness and college and retirement planning. Good, responsible things. Things we have been told to do. It's not like we want a fancy house or to redecorate our house, or a fancy new car or fun trips, we want to plan ahead and be smart and nothing!!! It's not happening! About 10 days ago I got an email from my care.com account. A chiropractic office is opening up this summer right near where we live. They contacted me about being an assistant there with training provided and from what I have read it sounds like the type of job I always thought I would have when my children were older. It sounds right up my alley. I really didn't know if I should reply and go ahead and apply or not. I feel like I am getting nowhere with preschool and would regret not having the opportunity to work there if I didn't get to do preschool in the Fall but still want to teach my preschool. I really thought about it and went ahead and applied. I have no idea if they will contact me but I loved being sought after. I feel like it hasn't really happened with preschool and it was a nice boost, sort of like "hey we see you have skills and we want to work with you." Waiting on preschool families exhausts and stresses me out. Maybe its a pride thing like, it's not happening because I think I am so great at preschool? Maybe I need to be humbled but I have been feeling this way for the past 2 years and would love for it to stop. If I was contacted about this assistant job I would have to find child care for Jared and Lydia as 3 of the days are from 3:00 - 6:00 and how can that be more what I am "supposed to do" than having a job that allows me to spend time with my own children? I just don't understand. And then I feel horrible and ungrateful for having these feelings. End rant. On here, I will just keep on feeling this way. And no, I do Not want to talk about it. Ever. I just want it to be fixed. I want 5 people to call me tomorrow and say they looked at my website, think my school look perfect and want to sign up. Or even just 3, I'm really not that demanding to need a full class of 8.
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